By Stephen Smith - stevo@REMOVE-THIScarlylesmith.karoo.co.uk.
Of course, True Spectrum Users started
using the Spectrum in 1982 and we haven't stopped since (except
for things like eating and sleeping). However,
you can catch up on the the fun that we've had with The Instant
Spectrum User Course. In just 3 easy steps you too will
be able to work out why one game of
Turbo Esprit is infinitely
preferable to owning a full Daytona coin-op.
Part 1: The Emulator
The first thing you will need is to
download a Spectrum Emulator for your computer, to turn it into a Spectrum.
Some people would question why you want to run software that turns
your Pentium Overdrive MegaPC into an 8-colour (with attribute clash),
low-res 48K memory contraption that runs at about 0.1Mhz (on a good day). But
these people are dorks.
Part 2: The Games
You will now need a few classic games to play on your new
emulator, and has the Spectrum got some of those! (Yes, actually).
When we say classic we mean classic. Classic-er than a
classic man's classic bits. Just click on the names of these
Golden Oldies to download and play.
Smallprint: You will need a copy of pkunzip to unzip
these games. But everyone's got a copy of that. Some
even paid for it.
Once these have downloaded, simply unzip them into the directory
of your Spectrum Emulator. Then load your emulator, and select Load
Snapshot (or equivalent). Then play away!
Part 3: Instructions
Well, if you've managed to download any of the remotely
complicated games (which is basically all of them with the
exception of the two Software Projects' ones), and started playing them,
you might be having a bit of trouble working out just what the goddam hell is
going on (especially if you selected Tau Ceti).
So here to help you is Sinclair Infoseek. This is a bit like
the IMDb, but has remarkably few movie reviews in it.
Now play these games for weeks on end. Bear in mind that these came out over 10
years ago, when everyone else was playing Pong or using their
computer for strange things like accounts. And you can guarantee that
they will still be being played ten years from now, when passing fads like
Doom have become a dim and distant memory.
No other computer proved that playability was everything in a game. You don't need
excellent graphics (e.g. Stock Car Championship) or an original
idea (e.g. Stock Car Championship) to make an excellent game. And with
so many to choose from there is guaranteed
to be one for you.
And there you are. You are now a fully-fledged Spectrum user, and you have seen the light.
But we Spectrum Users abide by certain rules, that have been carefully
logged and codified since 1982, and must be followed to the letter. These
arcane laws are as follows:
Now go and join the newsgroup comp.sys.sinclair and share
your joy with the rest of the world!
- Never miss an opportunity to have a pop at anything Commodore.
- Whenever a new mega-game comes out, always state how similar it is
to an old Spectrum game from a decade ago (e.g. Descent? It's just 3D
Tunnel with better graphics!)
- Never play a Daley Thompson game! Your keyboard will thank you.
- Pay exorbitant amounts of money for original copies of old Spectrum games,
claiming they are virtually antiques.
- Never plug anything into the edge connector while the computer is turned on (or
unplug it for that matter).
- Finally, you know never to try and complete a game to see the end-of-game
sequence, because you know it will be some poxy message and then loop round
to the start. You play the game to enjoy it.
All jokes (C)1952 Stephen Smith. Comments, additions and amendments are, as always, welcomed with open
arms. If you can think of anything else that a fledgling Spectrum user
needs to know, pass it round!
Written by Stephen Smith.Stephen Smith - stevo@REMOVE-THIScarlylesmith.karoo.co.uk
Like my animation? Die, Floater!